I wanted to put another picture of our sweet baby one here...  but I can't get the other one off of my phone. It was her all strapped down in the incubator when the transport team came and took her away.
So instead...  I close my eyes and picture her little face, her black hair, and her little little lips blowing bubbles...  What i'm picturing is the 40 seconds that they had her wrapped up and stuck her by my face during the C-section.  I am really grateful for the 40 seconds (or whatever it is).  It's such an odd feeling to have a baby, and have no baby.  I can't imagine what a mother feels like when things go really wrong... and their baby is really really not there.  I can't even imagine.  But I'm grateful for how things have gone for us.  I am healthy.  The baby is healthy.  I just need pain meds, and she just needs a little help with her pre-mature lungs.  We are very very blessed :)

So just for clarification....

I'm at Castle Medical Center in Kailua, HI
The baby (who the girls are calling "pretty flower") is at Kapiolani Woman's and Children's in Honolulu, HI in the NICU or Advanced Care unit - not really sure cause I've never been there yet.

I might get out of here tomorrow or possibly Friday
Baby - I have heard anywhere from 3 to 5 days and then up to another week... ?  so I don't know.

But this is do know... I am dying to go look at her face, and hold her, to feel like I had a baby.  Right now I'm still waiting for her kicks to go crazy - she has some seriously painful and strong kicks - I feel like I should still be pregnant, cause the way yesterday went was just surreal.  I'm trying not to let myself think about it too much, cause when I do, I cry and when I cry it's extremely painful.  I'm trying not to think about how I didn't bond with her while I was pregnant... and then how I feel detached from her since the section... and then I'm not nursing cause I'm here and she's there... and I've failed her multiple times and she's only been here on earth for 29 hours.
So instead of thinking about all that... I'm just thinking about all the shopping we're going to do throughout her life... and girl bonding...  that we're going to do, so I can make it up to her :)

k...  I'm about falling asleep...  and this post is long and rambling and kinda sticks cause it lacks a picture of my baby who is lacking a name.  Hopefully we will have close to both of those sometime tomorrow or friday!!  yay!  looking forward to that!  and with that - goodnight :)