ps...  I need to whine a little...

I'm kinda getting to that dark spot again of mine.
Yes, I have gone dark.
After all those happy posts I think I'm allowed a little bit of the baby-no-sleep-blues

I wake up just angry and exhausted
I'm frustrated w/ the kids
I cannot function to make them breakfast, lunch, etc.
I cannot get my chores done
I don't know who to call for a little help
I don't have any money to hire help (bank acct sits right now at $2.05)
Chris is working at the PCC doing temp construction... which means he's gone all day, which is good.  But then he comes home exhausted and doesn't have an ounce of patience for the kids either.
I feel like I am holding on...  just barely holding on all day waiting for him to get home so I can have a breather...  I tried to go to an aerobic class...  that didn't work... I arranged to go over to my girlfriends house...  nope.  Not that either.
So instead of a small break, I get to take kids to the ER.. then come home and fight with them for another hour or two to get them to go to bed... by 10:30 - 11 at night... I finally have some time w/o the kids... well, accept the baby... then the all night feedings begin...  11:30, 1:30...  4:30, 6:30... then she cries and cries from 6:30 till about 11am... then a little nap....
Can you FEEL MY STRESS???
wow- I can!  I better stop talking about it...
Anyway...  I'm exhausted.  I'm dark right now.
It's another day, and I'm going to look forward to this evening... telling myself that tonight I will get to go out on a run or something...  it won't happen, but I'll hope it will.. then I'll be angry all night, wake up angry tomorrow...    and start all over again.
Is it June 24th yet?  Can I go to AZ yet please?

(ps... on a good note - yesterday a neighbor volunteered to hold the baby for a few minutes while I got a few things clean inside...    it felt like a few tons of stress had been taken off my shoulders and my back for 15 - 20 min.  ...  She is really making me work that little baby of mine... she cries if I'm not right by her side, or not holding her.  I've tried to do chores while she's in the baby carrier and I just can't do it... either she cries or she's in the way of what I'm trying to do....  I guess I'll figure it out soon...  wish me luck that it's very very soon!   cause my poor children are getting oh so neglected as I sort this out)