What is it?

I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm watching some movie on TNT and a woman is hugging here sister and they are comforting each other, and I just start crying with this huge desire that I had a sister. I feel so alone. Yesterday i saw two women run across the street to each other and hug and smile like they hadn't seen each other in forever and they were best friends, and I choked back the tears and thought, I wish I had a friend like that, just anyone who would be happy to see me and run up to me and hug me. I've been watching the news and overwhelmed with sadness for the people in China and for the other people in Myanmar... i was just at the gym doing my last 10 minutes of cardio and thank goodness no one was near me, cause i just couldn't help but cry. I've been stuck in the house for like a week or so with my sick, but beautiful and sweet, children and I just feel so alone. Today instead of being alone again at my house I drove to my moms house, where I knew it would be empty, but at least I would feel less alone... there are new kittens there. I played with my kids and read several conference talks during their naps, I cleaned some stuff for my mom... I don't know... but still after all that, and even after spending time with my family and the kids and the kittens, I'm back home, up late at night, alone, feeling so sad. I've thought a lot about needing to vent my feeling, and I did to my husband, but I still needed to vent more.... so hence, this horrible post. I feel like I try and try and reach out and love others and stop by peoples homes, or call people to plan stuff to get out with kids... but the second I stop my own efforts, if I get a little down, or unsure about myself, if my kids are sick, the second I stop, I'm alone here. How can a place be so wonderful and full of amazing people, yet still to me, be so lonely and desolate?
Again in the face of all these feelings, I try and tell myself all the wonderful things in my life. My husband is my best friend. He knows me. If there is anyone in this world who really knows me, its my family and my husband. They know me the most and they love me still, so I guess I can't be that bad. (sorry, I know I am very selfish... its something i'm aware of and I'm trying to work on... its just going to be a project.... a life project) Well, as I was trying to say, I have so many wonderful things in my life.... like my kids... I held my kids this week and took care of them I just loved having them so close. The fevers that Jayden had, though high and scary, slowed her down enough to love and hold and be close to for hours at a time. What sweet time I got to spend with her. And Keira is a lot harder when sick, cause she cries and cries and is needy, but i'm so lucky to be the one whose pant leg she pulls on. Its a blessing to be here for them and worry over them and pray for them, and get up in the night with them.... and then finally after several days of sickness, to see them wake up smiling, with clear, bright eyes. Wow, that is a blessing.
I do feel incredibly sad lately, but still I'm trying not to throw myself a pity-party. I know I am blessed. I have much to be grateful for.